-
Loneliness is not being alone. It’s the feeling that nobody cares
A journey into the world of loneliness – and how to deal with it In our modern societies having a ‘rich social life’ is widely seen and promoted as an essential part of…
-
Is autonomy a myth? (Spoiler: No it is not.)
Are humans autonomous beings or is autonomy a myth? In the debate on this question, two views are often diametrically opposed: on the one hand there are people who believe that everyone is…
-
Why you should always keep asking ‘why?’
You may have noticed that I refer to myself as a “critical thinker” on the homepage of my website. That is not without reason. In my opinion critical thinking is one of the…
-
Perfection is an illusion. Pursuing it is a recipe for unhappiness
There are many ways in which people can make life hard on themselves. One of the best ways to do so, is without a doubt the pursuit of perfection. Perfectionism is a recipe…
-
Individuality, conformity and our need for social acceptance
One of the most paradoxical aspects of human behavior, if you ask me, is the universally felt need for freedom to be yourself and the simultaneous tendency to conform to your environment. Between…
-
Hope is not enough
Where there is life is hope, they say. But where there is life, there is also hopelessness. And despair. And cynicism. And wishful thinking, that meaningless hope that will never come true. I…
-
Why we need to be angry sometimes (regardless what the Stoics say)
I don’t know about you, but I can get quite angry sometimes. It doesn’t happen often, but things like injustice, cheating and disrespectful behavior can really piss me off. It is a trait…
-
Do you want what you wish?
“You don’t have to learn to want,” said Greek philosopher Seneca. And indeed, we humans seem very good at wanting. We want all kinds of things. And there are things we don’t want.…
-
Forget being who you are. Life’s about becoming who you want to be
You may recognize this: To friends, family or colleagues you can’t refrain from stressing that you “want to be yourself”, and meanwhile you silently ask yourself, “Who am I actually?” If so, then…
-
5 misunderstandings about being introverted
If someone asks you whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, do you immediately know the answer? I myself do not identify with either; I always say that I am an ambivert,…
-
Authenticity: your values, your choice
If you buy an age-old painting for a lot of money, you probably want a certificate that guarantees the authenticity of the painting, so that you can be sure that you are not…
-
End of a decade
These days you hear and read a lot about this new year’s being the start of a new decade. And it does feel like that, doesn’t it? We tend to see decades as…
-
Rollo May on choosing to live
“It is doubtful whether anyone really begins to live, until he has frankly confronted the terrifying fact that he could wipe out his existence but chooses not to. Since one is free to…
-
Nicolas Bommarito on modesty
We tend to think we are the centre of the universe, which is true only in the sense that we are the centre of our own experiences. And what happens to us is…
-
Rebecca Solnit on progress
“Every act is an act of faith, because you don’t know what will happen. Nobody can know the full consequences of their actions. You just hope and employ whatever wisdom and experience seems…
-
‘Man’s search for meaning’ in 10 quotes
I just finished reading ‘Man’s search for meaning’ by Viktor Frankl. Here are my 10 favorite quotes from this highly recommended book: 1. Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. A human being…
-
Karim Benammar on meaning
Yesterday, I went to the Brainwash Festival in Amsterdam, a philosophy event co-hosted by The School of Life Amsterdam. At the festival I attended a lecture by Karim Benammar, who teaches at TSOL…
-
On success
Let others worry about winning, fame and popularity. You, instead, are free to choose your own values and therefore your own standards by which you measure success.
-
Balance, nuance and moderation
Things are hardly ever black and white. There are always different sides to a story. Upsides and downsides to a proposition. When it comes to ideas and values there are no absolute truths…
-
Eleanor Roosevelt on life
“It’s your life, but only if you make it so. The standards by which you live must be your own standards, your own values, your own convictions in regard to what is right…
-
On distinguishing feelings from thoughts
How many times do we say or think: I feel powerless I feel guilty I feel disappointed I feel misunderstood I feel jealous I feel resentful I feel inferior Probably I use some…
-
-
Tim Fransen on morality
“Morality should not be about truth, but about values. Danger arises as soon as the concept of ‘truth’ is introduced in a domain where it does not belong, namely the moral and existential…
-
Fromm’s ‘The Art of Loving’
My favorite quote from Erich Fromm’s book ‘The Art of Loving’ is this one: “There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet which…
-
Optimistic nihilism (Is life worth living?)
Whether we consider our life worth living is indeed the ultimate existential question. And I am in constant doubt about the answer… Existentialism is hard, imho, because we have to give meaning to…
-
Happiness as mental disorder
The DSM – often referred to as “The Bible of Psychiatry” – lists over 300 (!) mental disorders. Remarkably, I learned today, happiness is not one of them. Turns out that psychologist Richard…
-
The Zizek – Peterson debate
It was kind of a thing. A big and well advertised debate between two popular as well as controversial thinkers: Slavoj Zizek and Jordan Peterson. Many people were looking forward to it. Normally,…
-
The golden rule
The so-called ‘Golden Rule’ is one of the most well-known ethical standards. It states that you should treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself. I have always strongly disagreed with…
-
Are we like hamsters?
Many of us are working to improve their emotional well-being by addressing past experiences and traumas, either by themselves or guided by a therapist. Let me be clear that I think paying attention…
-
Guy Winch on rejection
At some point in our lives, all of us have to deal with rejection (either romantically or professional or otherwise). Now, I am currently reading a book by psychologist Guy Winch, and in…
-
On expectations
Yesterday at The School of Life Festival I attended a mini class on ‘expectations’. You know, those tricky imaginations that we all have about what future events are supposed to be like. It…
-
Still the echo
“Still the echo, so that you don’t allow an event, however unpleasant or momentous, to claim any more time than it took for it to occur. Because what your foes do derives its…
-
Existential road trip
Life is an existential road trip. You are free to drive where you want. There are no ultimate reasons for taking one road over another. You may crash, and you have to take…
-
On time (and why ‘living in the now’ is b*s*)
“Temporality is evidently an organised structure. The three so-called “elements” of time, past, present, and future, should not be considered as collection of “givens” for us to sum up – for example, as…
-
On free will
I think the whole free will – determinism discussion is pointless, because it’s about two extremes neither of which represents reality. Free will advocates that claim our will is completeley free of whatever…
-
Kurzgesagt on loneliness
This video by Kurzgesagt / In a Nutshell explains perfectly what loneliness is and how we can deal with it.
-
On hypocricy
Are you a hypocrite? I think I am. Some say we all are. So here’s a question: What values do you propagate that you do not (always) live by yourself? And what effect…
-
Desire management
One of the teachers at The School of Life Amsterdam, Lammert Kamphuis, once explained what he called ‘desire management’. He said, whenever you feel a certain desire, ask yourself 2 questions: 1. If…
-
On suicide
In a recent discussion on how people might deal with suicidal thoughts, somebody stated that life has its ups and downs and that people with suicidal thoughts may not always feel the way…
-
On failing
When something goes wrong, a lot of people blame themselves. They feel they have failed, they are to blame. Does that sound familiar? In that case I would like to share an analogy…
-
Being unique
I think humans (at least in the West) are completely schizophrenic when it comes to this mantra of ‘being unique’. On one hand we all want to be unique, on the other hand…
-
On euthanasia
The much debated matter of euthanasia basically comes down to the question of self-determination. And I value self-determination very very high. I consider it a basic human right, paramount to almost everything I…
-
-
“The subtle art of not giving a f*ck” in 10 quotes
I highly recommend Mark Manson’s book “The subtle art of not giving a f*ck”. It’s not a self-help book like most others, instead it’s an unscrupulous slap in the face, but very insightful…
-
